Body Image by Miko Berry

Someone's put on a bit of weight!

They always say this with a smile so patronising you wanna knock their teeth out their head

And a tone that's as sarcastic as Satan when he says, is it too hot in here?

I know they're just teasing 

And they're well within their reasoning cos I'm not exactly that fat so how can I possibly have body image issues

They don't know

And they don't know the journey I've been through - but you

You do

You were there and you saw me struggle through school with all the bullies that replaced my name with insults for so long that - I forgot who I was

I knew myself only as a punchline look I was a lot bigger then

I remember I thought I could reason with the bullies but it always came out so fucking pathetic like 'Guys! Stop! You're hurting my feelings!'

I remember one of them said 'FAT PEOPLE DON'T HAVE FEELINGS!' and do you know what, technically, hunger is a feeling

But I've felt plenty more besides that

I've felt the word fat quickly go from observation to damnation and so my only hope for salvation was to swallow their abuse

To eat up their insults until it made me sick

Three times a day

After every single meal don't ask how I feel I know it's how I look that matters

I lost twenty percent of the person that I used to be 

And people would hold my hips like the handles to some trophy they'd just won and say 'WOW!'

'You look great!'

'Tell me what you ate for dinner cos I just like totally hate my figure and it looks like you're getting thinner so maybe you're onto a winner and.....'

Yeah.....I got slimmer but I never got better

I never got healthier

See I was never once sat in the doctor's waiting room because of my weight

I was there because there's an evil man in my bedroom

He lives behind the glass and he points at everything wrong

He says my eyebrows look like they wanna hold hands

And the only thing that will ever stand out about me, is my gut

He's says 'Nice bracelets'

'When are you gonna get the necktie to match?'

When I finally lost all the weight he was the first one to point out the stretch marks

On the backs of my legs were disgusting

He said my spine bones made me look like a monster

Spikes were just trying to  

Pierce through the skin so don't tell me that beauty magazines only affect women

Cos every single airbrushed starlet with flawless skin and unimaginable proportions she's eventually swept up off her feet

By a superman 

With a - six pack, pecs and bulging arms and that's why in every gym you will find young men

Screaming

Look I won't tell you this for a reaction

I just need you to understand that for me and so many others this battle has got nothing to do with being thin

It's about learning to appreciate the skin, that we are in and it's a goal I'm so afraid I will be chasing for ever so believe me when I tell you

I'm not getting fatter

I'm getting better

This performance place at Evidently at the Eagle Inn, Salford

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b18LNxmFFZ8

https://www.facebook.com/mikopoet